By this seance I had had a week in which to overcome my surprise at the number of people on both sides of life who were participating in the circle. I had learned that the many spirits were there to help, not hurt, and I was much better prepared… Or so I thought.
This evening I made it a point to not look directly at the “standers” (for definition go to Players and Terms page). I went as deep as I could go (starting with the, “my eyes are getting sleepier, my arms are getting heavier…” technique) and then I started the holotropic breathing. It was at this point that I suddenly understood, through experience, what I was about to do.
From my perspective it was as though I had stepped a few feet down to the side, and with the dramatic sensation of suddenly being forty feet underwater (metaphorically), complete with pressure scuba gear. I knew from past experience I could not just move my body or wake up suddenly; it is a slow process to come back from a true trance state. Symbolically, I would liken it to looking up and knowing that to reach the surface I will have to swim through forty feet of water before I can take the regulator out of my mouth and breath normally (i.e. before I can return to normal movement and awareness).
Alternatively, I realized that to go any farther was like staring down into an abyss; an unknown abyss where I would loose consciousness and must fully trust in those in spirit to assist me and take care of me. Once again, I was deeply surprised at the reality of what I was about to do. It was also here that I encountered an internal struggle that would last for a few weeks: could I trust, utterly, those in spirit with my well-being while I was “helpless” and unaware?
Past inner thoughts surfaced about possession, good and bad levels of spirit evolvement, and my own previous near death experience (NDE). In my NDE I had not intended to come back until, in my brief journey, I had been stopped and reminded about what I still had left to accomplish on the earth. And let me tell you, it was very nice “over there” and I was not all that happy about having to return, even if it was the right thing for me. There is no physical pain on the other side – you can sense fully (with your unfettered aura), and moving was effortless. I questioned that if I left my body again, even if just my awareness that left, would I still return?
Some of these concerns are documented in my conversations with Mikhail and my Guardian. It took about a month of research, reflection, and communication to finally let go of my fears and be able to trust both myself and those in spirit. During this time one of the sitters got spooked because she had been touched by someone in spirit during a seance, and she put a negative spin on the experience. In other words, she was sensitive enough to clearly feel a hand wrapping around her arm, but not sensitive enough to perceive the spirit person behind that touch. She immediately labeled any touching or physical phenomena as “evil.”
This was a good lesson for me to learn: clearly qualify to the sitters what they may experience. Just because you say “physical phenomena” or show a sitter pictures of ectoplasm manifestation doesn’t mean that a sitter truly understands and accepts that the phenomena is real, or that it is used for a noble purpose. That sitter left the circle, and another sitter who had been affected by this fear and negative outlook brought herself back into focus in a positive manner and continued with the group. After two weeks things got back to being productive.